Well my time has been allocated to a totally different place than my blog since my last post. I put my kids a little bit more in the front of my priority list. So lately my life has been kids, work, soccer(kids), basketball(kids), Golf(kids) and once in a while a date night with hubby.

Up until about a couple weeks ago I have also stuck with my workouts and walking and eating like I should. But since my in-laws moved in the workouts have waned and the food has been a little bit bad.  Too many treats around. But again I am going to renew my commitment and get back in the saddle. No weight gains thankfully, but if I keep up the bad habits that will change very quickly. 

Yes you read correctly the in-laws moved in a bit ago and it has been an adjustment especially since Hubby is gone a lot more than normal.  They sold their house and the new one still has a renter. So for now dinner is made some days when I get home and others I cook just a bit more for us all. 

I am lucky though, I have great in-laws. They kinda spoil me with the helping out with the kids and cooking and cleaning.  I think anyone could live with their in-laws if they were like mine. 

As I mentioned Hubby is gone a lot more lately because he got a casual position in  Waterton as a Firefighter/EMT.  I have to say he loves his job and I can't blame him when he gets to work in such a beautiful place.

 The upside for me is that I get to go up and visit whenever I want. In fact the kids and I are going to go up on Sunday and spend Fathers Day barbecuing for the best Dad and Husband in the world.

And to top it off, some of my favorite people are coming with us. 

I think we are so spoiled living in such an amazing place as we do. I love my small acreage and my small town. I love the mountains so close and I feel so blessed to have family so close to share it all with. 

I am very much looking forward to the start of summer, which for me is next week, not only do I get to spend more time with my kids but we have a great summer of camping planned. I hope to be able to blog a bit about the places we go and the adventure we have, so stay tuned. 

And just to end I have to say I have grown to love working at the school and love having the same schedule as my kids. I am so blessed that I get to go back next year and do it again. But this time I am so happy to say That I get to do something even better next year.  I get to be the Librarian for the elementary school.....

I have a new found understanding of my Mom this month. It is something that happens from time to time being a mother myself but this moment came to me because I am in her shoes a lot more lately. My Mom was a working mother. A lot of responsibilities were left to us kids growing up and those things have paid off for me in the long run since I can cook and clean and take care of my own family.

Going back to work this year has had its challenges and sometime my own kids feel the lack as I have less time to attend to them. Little things that go undone that use to be a daily routine for me are no longer a priority as my time is stretched a lot thinner.

But as January came around which is the start of Birthday season at my house, Dallin being first up, he didn't get any type of real celebration like I normally do. Not even a cake. I did do a brownie that didn't turn out and ended up in the trash. But no party or night out or anything from me.

Now Madison has her birthday in a couple weeks and already I am trying to find a way out of the party she wants. She has big plans which is my own fault because every year we have done some sort of art party and she wants one again, just bigger and better. Me I want quiet, and someway to keep my house clean, since that is a hard won task these days.

But how does this connect with my own Mom. Well I don't remember once having a birthday party, in fact the first real Party I remember was on my 40th when my amazing husband through a party on my behalf. I don't remember getting cakes or gifts either as my birthday is in December it always was combined with Christmas. But I get it now. She was a working mom, and when she got home she was tired, cause I'm tired when I get home and she worked and still works way harder than I am.

So how do I find the balance. Where do I allocate my time so that I don't neglect those I love most and still am able to help financially in my home? These are tough questions and ones I don't have the answer for. At least not yet. 

So I will  make it up to Dallin somehow and I will get an art Party planned for Madison. And I will reach out more than I use to for help. I will not let 6 hours away from home ruin the home that I have built. 

Cause these 4 are the reasons I'm a mom. Why I am working where I am am working and I love them too much to let them down.  

I in no way want to degrade my own upbringing, I have a great mother, and she did what she did the best she knew how. I know that! Isn't that what we all do. I love her for all that she has taught me. I have learned all about being a mom from her. I still look to her and rely on her help and advice. I love all our time together and especially look forward to spending copious amounts of my summer holidays camping and playing with her as we have since I was a kid. 

I called in sick to work today.  The first time in 13 years that I actually had to admit I was sick.  Moms don't get sick we just tough it out and get things done. But as I was making the kids lunches and hacking up my other lung (lost the first one yesterday), and I figured I better not spread my infectious disease onto (yes onto) 28 innocent children. That does not include my own because it was those 4 darlings who brought this upon me.  

Its strange though, I really do want to curl up in bed and sleep the day away but there is something in me that just doesn't feel good about sleeping the day away.

On the other hand, I have no inner voice telling me it is wrong to read the day away. 

And that is just what I did. 3 books completed this weekend and I am looking for #4 right after this. Your body is still resting and recuperating right!!  It is just the brain and eyes working!!

If your curious about the books I have read this weekend or any other of the hundreds I have read you can follow me on Goodreads. I really love books and reading which wasn't always the case. In school I avoided them as much as possible which seems like a big flaw in thinking, which is why I encourage my kids to read. But I have to remember that I wasn't always like this and that kids have a lot of other things to occupy there time too.

On the subject of reading, I took up a challenge this year that is helping me with my spiritual goals. I took on the BofM365 Challenge of Instagram.  It is a everyday reading challenge and they ask a question to go along with the verses each day.  The questions have really helped me to open up my eyes to see the blessing, and trial and triumphs I have been through. Reading the Book of Mormon everyday, and not just doing it because I am told to but really thinking about what I have read has been a great blessing in my everyday life.

I have a little book that I am writing everything down in, with an actual real pen and paper! It has been great especially since I am a terrible journal writer.  I am glad to be able to get these experiences down as well as relate them to scripture. 

You've probably noticed it's not Thursday. So I am already messing up on my resolutions. This one at least. With the hubby not being home to help out with the driving of kids from here to there my week is a little bit more hectic than I would like. I sure do like it when his shift allows him to help out. Supper is at a reasonable time and all the kids get to all there activities on time too.  

One of the downfalls of working full time is that I am not able to be the runner of shoes, skates, lunches and cub shirts every time one is forgotten on the mad rush out to the bus in the morning. Dad fills this roll 4 days of the week if his home shift is during school days. And he does it the same way I did. Not to happy about it but these are our kids and we do anything and everything for them. Cause we love them. Yes even during those times and days we want to strangle them or leave them on the side of the road to fight it out on the long walk home. 

But on the upside of this job thing, He gets to do all the fetching... and I get to see my kids in their environment. See how they interact with their friends and get a little bit more of the inside scoop when it comes to where they need a little help academically.  

The best thing about my job is the 1 hour, everyday I get to spend in the Library. My dream job!! I love working with the books and I also love working with the Grade 5&6 kids in there. I love being able to recommend books to these kids and see them really enjoy reading.

Reading is one of my favorite things to do, and to see kids that struggle with reading find a story that really catches there imagination is very rewarding.

Another upside is the benefits. Now the pay isn't very much just enough to take the edge off the bills and food consumed by our hoard. But the benefits along with Hubbies make it so I can actually go to the dentist and not feel guilty about taking needed services and money from my kids. 

I am not sure if all moms feel this way. I know my mom went without a lot of things so me and my siblings could have stuff. And that's exactly how I feel most of the time.  I don't know when the last time I got all new clothes. For me its when it is worn thin that I think about replacing it.  And usually when it is worn thin I don't want to give it up because its been a favorite. But in the past I didn't even think about going to the dentist or optometrist for myself because that was money my kids needed. And now with benefits, and the amazing ones the school gives, I have clean white teeth and new contact lenses and no guilt!

To end this post I wanted to recommend a book!  I picked up this book as I sat in my classroom waiting for my kids to come back from phys ed and I didn't want to put it down. I now read it in all of my breaks. I haven't finished yet but it has me hooked. It is about a Chinese girl adopted into a Canadian family. She was a orphan in china when only one child was allowed per family and boys were the desired choice. 

Throwaway Daughter is an amazing read, not just for you but your young readers too. It is rated level 6 reader if you know how the system works. If not that is around a grade 6 reading level. 

I love reading about Chinese culture and how it has changed over the years, so that may contribute to my love of this book. But it is a very good story and I hope with have an even better ending. I will let you know.

January 1st New Year

Its early on January 1st for most people to be up. Me I'm still tucked into bed although I'm awake I don't want to crawl out of my blankets.  I have a huge to do list and already I am procrastinating. That was until I opened the computer and started typing. I have blogged in my mind a million time over the one plus year that I have been AWOL. So now resolutions are on my mind and I want to get them down and recorded so I have a place of accountability to myself. (and you if you'll give me some encouragement every now and then) 

My first Resolution is to Blog a bit more. At least once a week. I am going to try for Thursdays since it is one of the least busy in my life these days. 

Speaking of my busy life there has been some big changes for me this past year. Caitlyn my youngest is in grade one and I was so excited to see some freedom and time for myself to work on some of my hobbies and talents. But alas that was not to be. Due to the world and the overwhelming cost of living in this world I was forced to go back to work. I never wanted to be a working mom but here I am, working full time at the elementary school as a teachers assistant. As for having to work, I could not have picked a better job. I get to see three out of four of my munchkins while I work and I get every day off that they have off. I get to be home when they are home and well when summer comes around I get that off too. So even though life through me a curve ball, I am picking up that ball and running with it.  I will post a bit more about the ups and downs of this later as I really want this to be about my resolutions. 

Second resolutions is to get healthy. I am going to eat clean and exercise daily.

This has been a struggle and a constant source of low self worth in the back of my mind since the day I had my first child. Dallin turns 13 in a few days and I just don't want to be this slow fat mom anymore. I have over the past 13 years gone through so many phases of fit and fat and I am ready for the cycle to end. This is going to be a big undertaking and I am going to keep some sort of progress here. I just need to work through the details and get it all down. Which again will come through posts and hopefully a little encouragement.

Third and most important to me, I am going to draw closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am going to study his life and teaching and really relay on prayer to help me in all aspects of my life.

Over the last few years of trial and struggle I have really separated myself from the emotions in my life. It seemed to be the only way to cope with some of the things going on. But as I did this I also put up a barrier in my mind to the emotions that come from the spirit as well. All the truth and knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ is firm in my mind but my heart doesn't feel it like I should. I don't let the tears flow and the truth touch my heart because I have been so afraid of hurting and being alone in my trials.

So this year I am going to feel. I want to feel the hurt and the joy that comes with trials and triumphs equally. It is going to be tough, but I am tough.

I think three tough resolutions are enough for this year because as I grow in these areas I believe I will grow in so many other ways.

P.S.

I got a message from an old friend telling me today, January 1, 2015 was my 15,000 birthday. That is a lot of days to be alive. So I am going to pick this day and all the rest of my days to truly be alive, in heart, body and spirit.

Friday's 10

1. So my blog is going pictureless for a while. Unless they are iPhone pictures. My camera is broken and my external hard drive is not working. I have the drive at my awesome repair guy, so I hope he can fix it or at least save my photos. I thought I was backing them up by putting them there but I also lost them on my computer when we got a new one.

2. So I am now saving to buy another camera, vinyl for my new contour cutter, and wood to build my raised garden.

3. Oh! I have a industrial size vinyl cutter!! The hubby never does anything on a small scale. I asked for a silhouette for Christmas and opened a huge cutter instead. But he did overlook the vinyl, and it only takes rolls which are harder to find then sheets. Thanks to the internet and my love of online shopping.

4. Its birthday season around here. Each of my kids birthdays are in the beginning of the year. So I am a cake making queen right now. Dallin got little football cupcakes, Madison got a fondant zebra cake. (my first ever and and it was awesome). Logan wants a fondant Monkey cake and Caitlyn wants and elephant.  We will see how it goes.

5. A little complaint!! The kids just had a week off school for family day and reading week! And now they have another day off. It's maddening! The kids have been fighting off and on since 7 am!! They do not need more time off school right in the middle of winter!!

6. The job front is not going so good for the hubby. He has a full time but he is gone from home too much. I would love for him to get a job that lets him be home at night.

7. New neighbors have dogs which they let run wild! Drive my dogs crazy and chases off my cats. We may live in the country but dogs should not run wild.

8. Okay I have complained enough! Good news! My Brother gets married tonite, in the temple! Now I will not be the only sibling in my family to be sealed.

9. I am still trying to do one pinterest pin a week. This week I am going to make ranch dressing mix. I have done the taco seasoning and love it. I hope the ranch is just as good.

10. I don't think I like blogging without photos! I will try and fix it before next post.

P.S  I found a way to add pictures from my Google+

Back? Maybe!

1. I have been terrible at blogging and have really contemplated giving it up all together. I don't have a huge following, (not that I need one) but then I realized that someday my kids may just want to know who their mom is behind the Mom exterior they always see. So I will continue and maybe someday print out a copy for them.

 

2. I have been having a tough time with the new career/job that the hubby has. It takes him away from home for 4 days at a time (it use to be 2 weeks, I do count that blessing) and now he is only home for 2 days in between. There are other things that bug me too but I don't think my blog is a place to air that laundry. I am ok for the most part but I am finding it tough to find me time. As I type this I sound really selfish to myself but I know I need some time to recharge too.

 

3. Which brings me to this... I signed up or a 5k! yikes!! I really do hate running but last year I did the Cardston kids marathon and I really liked the rush of the crowd and all the excitement. So when I saw the link online for the Color me Rad run in Calgary, I really wanted to sign up. it looks like so much fun. Then I found our my awesome Aunts were doing it, I said sign me up. And now I am committed.

 

4. I like blogging in point form. I think in point form and my mind is always jumping from one thought to the other. What amazes me is how I can be thinking one thing and suddenly I am thinking something totally different but it is all linked. This drives the Hubby crazy sometimes!

 

5. Now that I think of it there are few things I get to do this spring to give me a break. One is the Time out for Women. I get to go with my Mom again and also a few friends. I loved it when I got to go in 2011 and I am looking forward to the uplift this year! They are issuing challenges along the way and this week/months challenge is to THINK HIGHER.

I believe that is what got me back to  my blog today. I took the time this morning to shut off all media and just ponder where I am at and some of the goals I have for myself. And I really want my kids to know the real me. Not this monster I can turn into when I am overwhelmed, or the slave driver cracking the whip. I really want them to know what makes me, me!

 

6. Again this year Hubby and I are joining my brother and his wife for...

 

 

     I love going to Cirque. I love the big tent they set up in Calgary. And I love this date with the Hubby. It seems to come every year or so and it is something we love to do together.

 

7. I am really looking forward to summer. We have lots of camping already planned in the form of reunions. But I am excited to do some camping with my mom too.

 

8. My Brother is getting remarried and I am thrilled for him. His fiancé is really kind and she really loves him. It see a huge improvement in his happiness and wish him all he happiness he deserves.

 

9. I am making a cookbook for our Parker Family reunion and I have been gathering tons of recipes. One of the bonuses of making a cookbook is that I have lots of ideas for supper everyday. I am excited to see how it turns out.

 

10. I am slowly running out of thoughts. My kids are hovering and the laundry needs changing. My parents may come visit tomorrow and bring me an identical sectional to the one I have already (mine is trash...kids). That's all for today.