January 1st New Year

Its early on January 1st for most people to be up. Me I'm still tucked into bed although I'm awake I don't want to crawl out of my blankets.  I have a huge to do list and already I am procrastinating. That was until I opened the computer and started typing. I have blogged in my mind a million time over the one plus year that I have been AWOL. So now resolutions are on my mind and I want to get them down and recorded so I have a place of accountability to myself. (and you if you'll give me some encouragement every now and then) 

My first Resolution is to Blog a bit more. At least once a week. I am going to try for Thursdays since it is one of the least busy in my life these days. 

Speaking of my busy life there has been some big changes for me this past year. Caitlyn my youngest is in grade one and I was so excited to see some freedom and time for myself to work on some of my hobbies and talents. But alas that was not to be. Due to the world and the overwhelming cost of living in this world I was forced to go back to work. I never wanted to be a working mom but here I am, working full time at the elementary school as a teachers assistant. As for having to work, I could not have picked a better job. I get to see three out of four of my munchkins while I work and I get every day off that they have off. I get to be home when they are home and well when summer comes around I get that off too. So even though life through me a curve ball, I am picking up that ball and running with it.  I will post a bit more about the ups and downs of this later as I really want this to be about my resolutions. 

Second resolutions is to get healthy. I am going to eat clean and exercise daily.

This has been a struggle and a constant source of low self worth in the back of my mind since the day I had my first child. Dallin turns 13 in a few days and I just don't want to be this slow fat mom anymore. I have over the past 13 years gone through so many phases of fit and fat and I am ready for the cycle to end. This is going to be a big undertaking and I am going to keep some sort of progress here. I just need to work through the details and get it all down. Which again will come through posts and hopefully a little encouragement.

Third and most important to me, I am going to draw closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am going to study his life and teaching and really relay on prayer to help me in all aspects of my life.

Over the last few years of trial and struggle I have really separated myself from the emotions in my life. It seemed to be the only way to cope with some of the things going on. But as I did this I also put up a barrier in my mind to the emotions that come from the spirit as well. All the truth and knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ is firm in my mind but my heart doesn't feel it like I should. I don't let the tears flow and the truth touch my heart because I have been so afraid of hurting and being alone in my trials.

So this year I am going to feel. I want to feel the hurt and the joy that comes with trials and triumphs equally. It is going to be tough, but I am tough.

I think three tough resolutions are enough for this year because as I grow in these areas I believe I will grow in so many other ways.

P.S.

I got a message from an old friend telling me today, January 1, 2015 was my 15,000 birthday. That is a lot of days to be alive. So I am going to pick this day and all the rest of my days to truly be alive, in heart, body and spirit.